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I received my 401K statement in the mail yesterday. I lost around 12. I diversified damnit
Iapos;ve never lost more than $2000 in 3 months before. It is major THE SUCK. I need that money, I donapos;t have any children to take care of me when Iapos;m old. Iapos;m going to end up in one of those very sad nursing homes where no one checks on you and you sit in poo because they are understaffed.

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...an intro.

It seems rather wrong for me to be creating a new blog. I have 5 sites running. Donapos;t get me wrong, though. Itapos;s not that Iapos;ve gotten too hooked on things like this. I donapos;t update much. This here, this one... Iapos;m not sure if Iapos;ll even be able to keep it. When I started, I didnapos;t even like the feel of when I started to give me description. It was hard.

I made this out of the urge to loosen on my thoughts. I think Iapos;ve been too hard on myself. Here I can be real without being discreet, without playing safe. Ironic, though. Not real at all, you might think and even my mind rings on me the same words. But yes, really... I swear. Iapos;ll be utterly real. Itapos;s just that I donapos;t think Iapos;ll be able tell my real name unless circumstances leave me with no option but to.

If you mightapos;ve have missed the phrase... Iapos;ll type it again. "Without playing safe." The mere fact that Iapos;m keeping my name is playing safe... But you get the point. Or not? Let go of vagueness for a while and Iapos;ll make it clear.

Confusion, as I foresee, would totally break free. And donapos;t you think that makes it a bit less hard for me? Bingo. :)

Anyway... I wonapos;t be too safe and keep the little things about me. Soon, you might even find out who I really am.


That was sort of an intro.

The very reason why I started with this is.... I just want to do something.

Ever had that feeling you have to do something and you know thereapos;s really something? There, thatapos;s what. Iapos;ve opened New Moon and read to the middle of it but I thought of stopping for a while. The constant mentions of Edward were the only ones that actually lured me into reading the book. And I tried to bake but the flour had tiny, tiny, tiny crawling creatures in them which my sister canapos;t even see. I swear it was not just my imagination. And I thought of doing my projects but I donapos;t seem to have the right energy, didnapos;t consider it in a blink of an eye.

I feel a pinch of guilt. I might keep myself typing and typing and not stop. I have a lot of things to do. A lot.

But I canapos;t find a way to get myself starting with them. I feel blank. And I want to cry but figured thereapos;s not point in crying.

If Iapos;d have tears falling down my eyes, it would have to be because of the following:
1. Iapos;m pressured to keep doing things for the betterment of many (the orgs which I belong to)
2. The full moonapos;s reminding me this is supposed to be a special day
3. It was a special day, only because I did something I was totally unaware of I was doing. So that makes this day special in a bad way
4. Yesterday I was somewhat caught of guard. I donapos;t really like confessing that my heartapos;s been wildly beating beneath my chest. It felt like they took it or mentioned it against me.
5. New Moonapos;s boring me.
6. I know I wonapos;t be able to sleep tonight and so Iapos;ll have to force myself to sleep, which will result to headache come tomorrow.
7. If I canapos;t sleep tonight Iapos;ll be very tired in tomorrow, almost lifeless unless I find something to inspire me.
8. Iapos;m wanting for more but I donapos;t know what it is I want.
9. Iapos;ve got piles of work to do staring at me and I just hate staring back at them. I feel they do me no good.
10. I hate this somewhat rebelled side of me.
11. I canapos;t believe Iapos;m using the word "hate".

Migad. I think�Iapos;ve had enough for now. If my other blogapos;s been having all those gliding floating uplifting thought, this one here has me pouring out the load. Whew.

Check out the mood. Hahaha. At least I did away from my usual preppiness. ;D

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Urgh, Iapos;m tired of meeting "men"�that Iapos;m not interested in.

Either they have a great personality and do nothing for me in the look department
or
they look hot and have a piss poor personality.

Can I not have my cake and eat it too??

�

Why Can I�not have both?



Also being single is getting very frustrating....


Yes, I�know I�need a boyfriend�Ack � But Iapos;m not just going to date anyone like I usually do...did...(that always ends bad)

Iapos;m also tired of people telling me how "Whoo-hoo"�Iapos;am *for a lack of better words* and yet Iapos;m still single.

If Iapos;m so "Whoo-hoo"�then why amapos;I still single?


I�donapos;t know maybe itapos;s the major aggrervation and PMS thatapos;s talking and how I�really want to hurt someone in particular physically...to get even and it will feel good to get my stress out.

God, I�swear every single little thing is pissing me off.

Just sitting down is pissing me off�AH Why do I�have to sit down? �

And this is me when I take the pill....imagine me OFF�the pill.

�

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Hello All,

Since this is the first entry for this blog�I thought�I would let you all know what this blog is all about. This blog is for mature people, where anyone can ask for an opinion or give an opinion, where no topic is taboo, provided all are willing to accept each otherapos;s opinions. Here intelligent arguments are welcomed, and childish ones will be deleted. So got a question? Just ask. Got an opinion? Give it. Ask him, her or us. And let the argument begin.

Raven.
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My Papaapos;s 80th birthday was absolutely wonderful. My cousin made a slide show with photos of him through out his whole life, and it brought me to tears. Everyone in the room had that dream-state smile, and watery eyes too. I never really realized how much this man has impacted mine, and many others lives. There will never be another person like my Papa.

Speaking of which, stuff like this always makes me think of him. Heapos;s always singing, or whistling these songs.









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Sitting here on this stupid chair (like i have been for the past half of the week) is honestly depressing. Its so sad how i spend 1 hour answering Yahoo Answers now, since yesterday, and i cant help but laugh and point out the fact that im so pathetic. Fat, and pathetic. Lol.

wait, this is no laughing matter. ( XD )

anyway. My phone just beeped. Yay, a text message from alexa....
and wow, that beep just echoed throughout my whole house.
its so freaking quiet here. Almost eerie. But not really, because its really bright outside.

in 30 minutes, i have to wake my mom and little sister up from their nap.
im debating on whether i want to take a shower right now or not. My hair feels nasty since i kept it up even before it dried yesterday. Morning. Lol. :/ eww.
and i have to wash the dishes.





gawd. Ive come to the conclusion that my life will always be boring.
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It would seem everything has come back together in life. Iapos;m somewhat stable enough to come back to livejournal and feed certain reading addictions. But first let me explain my misfortune over the last 21 weeks.

---

The night seemed all to dark to be that of a wedding night. Perhaps one could say the darkness made it a little better but the arguement could go either way. Darkness on a wedding night was not my concern on this particular evening; the reception seemed to be the only thing on my mind. (The fact that it wasnapos;t my wedding and I didnapos;t really approve of the marriage made the drinking seem like a fun thing to do.) A night of intoxication endured for seven hours shot after shot being chased down by more alcohol. A long story short: I drank, I drove, I blew a .29. Goodbye license.

---

Lost a few friends during a drug relapse... I still donapos;t want to go there.

---

Two weeks ago I went to the optomitrist because my eyesight is slowly declining. While running the tests, words came out of a doctors mouth which one should never hear them say, "Interesting." Apparantly I have copper built up behind the retinas of my eyes and if you donapos;t know what this means it means I have Wilsonapos;s Disease. Not good. Donapos;t want to go in for treatment because I hate hospitals, but I donapos;t want to die either.


Anyway, Iapos;m back. Iapos;ll talk more later.
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Not much new happening in my life. But I figured I would post since it has been 6 days since I have. Doug is in Indiana this week on sales calls. Seems wierd when he isnapos;t here. Since we are together 24/7.

Yvonne�went to the doctor yesterday and she is doing much better with the new meds. Her and I went for lunch/dinner at 3:30 since that is when we got out of the doctors office. Neither one of us had�lunch so we were starved.� We then went shopping and�I got Braiden 6 new outfits and 10 pair of socks and some new tennies. I�had bought him some earlier in the month but�I bought him 24 months and they were falling off of�him so�I went and got him a bunch of 18 month stuff so he would have clothes for the fall/winter. I�know Gina doesnapos;t have the money and I wanted to make sure that he had warm clothes. I had bought him Thomas the Tank last weekend and he wore those here last night but when he saw Elmo�on the new shoes he had to put those on.� He did not want to take them off. I�put him in his pajamas and had taken the shoes off so I figure ok now�he wonapos;t notice if I put them out of sight. Wrong He found them under the�coffee table and proceeded to put them on�by himself. He kept walking around with his foot in�until he finally got the one on and did the same with the other foot. I�finally helped him out�and put the other one on for him. He is persistent I will give him that.� And stubborn oh my, David lives again.� He is starting to talk more�he should be pretty verbal by the time Daddy comes. He�knows who Daddy is he always points to Davidapos;s picture and says daddy. It is cute, when� he hears the phone ring he automatically thinks it is Daddy..
�
I stayed up late last night and watched the Phillies Dodger game. It was a great game.� Final score was 7-5 Philles. Ryan pitched for 1.2 innings and got the win on the game. They donapos;t play again until Wednesday. Looks like the Phils are going to the World Series.

Well that is it for now.
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�so thereapos;s a fire or two up in porter ranch. The wind made it pretty bad. I can see the actual from my house and Iapos;m in Northridge. �oh well. Hopefully no evacuation around here sorry for those who had to evacuate.

anyways, other than that, my day was okayyy.�
as much as i love the wind and this weather, it was really friendly today.

i also hope thereapos;s no school tomrw, and for it to snow in LA this year. It did this one year, and i missed it, either i wasnapos;t born or i was outta town. Idk. But it would be niceee and romantic <3 bleh enough with the icky stuff, i want so many things this year, and im NOT gonna get them all.�
i know it. Especially my first priority, my main thing that i want..i wonapos;t get it. --" oh well, thats why i keep hoping..even though it wont happen.�

HAHA, i find it funny.
anyways thereapos;s also this onee chick who is almost pushing me off the cliff.
and this one guy who has already pushed me off the cliff cause heapos;s so darn amazing�

so the chick not so good falling, the guy amazing <3

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