...an intro.
It seems rather wrong for me to be creating a new blog. I have 5 sites running. Donapos;t get me wrong, though. Itapos;s not that Iapos;ve gotten too hooked on things like this. I donapos;t update much. This here, this one... Iapos;m not sure if Iapos;ll even be able to keep it. When I started, I didnapos;t even like the feel of when I started to give me description. It was hard.
I made this out of the urge to loosen on my thoughts. I think Iapos;ve been too hard on myself. Here I can be real without being discreet, without playing safe. Ironic, though. Not real at all, you might think and even my mind rings on me the same words. But yes, really... I swear. Iapos;ll be utterly real. Itapos;s just that I donapos;t think Iapos;ll be able tell my real name unless circumstances leave me with no option but to.
If you mightapos;ve have missed the phrase... Iapos;ll type it again. "Without playing safe." The mere fact that Iapos;m keeping my name is playing safe... But you get the point. Or not? Let go of vagueness for a while and Iapos;ll make it clear.
Confusion, as I foresee, would totally break free. And donapos;t you think that makes it a bit less hard for me? Bingo. :)
Anyway... I wonapos;t be too safe and keep the little things about me. Soon, you might even find out who I really am.
That was sort of an intro.
The very reason why I started with this is.... I just want to do something.
Ever had that feeling you have to do something and you know thereapos;s really something? There, thatapos;s what. Iapos;ve opened New Moon and read to the middle of it but I thought of stopping for a while. The constant mentions of Edward were the only ones that actually lured me into reading the book. And I tried to bake but the flour had tiny, tiny, tiny crawling creatures in them which my sister canapos;t even see. I swear it was not just my imagination. And I thought of doing my projects but I donapos;t seem to have the right energy, didnapos;t consider it in a blink of an eye.
I feel a pinch of guilt. I might keep myself typing and typing and not stop. I have a lot of things to do. A lot.
But I canapos;t find a way to get myself starting with them. I feel blank. And I want to cry but figured thereapos;s not point in crying.
If Iapos;d have tears falling down my eyes, it would have to be because of the following:
1. Iapos;m pressured to keep doing things for the betterment of many (the orgs which I belong to)
2. The full moonapos;s reminding me this is supposed to be a special day
3. It was a special day, only because I did something I was totally unaware of I was doing. So that makes this day special in a bad way
4. Yesterday I was somewhat caught of guard. I donapos;t really like confessing that my heartapos;s been wildly beating beneath my chest. It felt like they took it or mentioned it against me.
5. New Moonapos;s boring me.
6. I know I wonapos;t be able to sleep tonight and so Iapos;ll have to force myself to sleep, which will result to headache come tomorrow.
7. If I canapos;t sleep tonight Iapos;ll be very tired in tomorrow, almost lifeless unless I find something to inspire me.
8. Iapos;m wanting for more but I donapos;t know what it is I want.
9. Iapos;ve got piles of work to do staring at me and I just hate staring back at them. I feel they do me no good.
10. I hate this somewhat rebelled side of me.
11. I canapos;t believe Iapos;m using the word "hate".
Migad. I think�Iapos;ve had enough for now. If my other blogapos;s been having all those gliding floating uplifting thought, this one here has me pouring out the load. Whew.
Check out the mood. Hahaha. At least I did away from my usual preppiness. ;D
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